Working Second marriages are a rarity to be found. But why these unions fall apart so often? Making a marriage work is difficult especially when you have gone through one that didn’t work. Having hope in love is necessary but you should be careful before tying the knot once again. Here are a few reasons why second marriages don’t work.
Reasons why second marriages end up in divorce.
Arriving with Baggage
Marriages fall apart because there are issues between the couple. When those issues failed to get resolve then divorce is the most likely scenario. We leave our marriages with our own scars and wounds. We might have repressed anger or frustration towards our ex that we might take into our next marriage. Nobody likes starting a new marriage with pre-existing issues they seriously limit our capacity to form new relationships.
Merging two families is difficult.
Before Remarrying most people have children, Notwithstanding the emotional toll on children of their parents divorcing. Most children find it difficult to accept a new mother or a father. Our children are everything for us and seeing them suffer because of our choices is heartbreaking. Enormous volumes have been written on stepsibling rivalry that ignoring and downplaying it is rather difficult.
Not Enough Commitment.
Are you really committed to making everything better once again? If the answer is yes, Congrats you are a rarity. For most people, second marriages are a way to get their needs met not finding love again. Whether they are sexual or just finding company. They are not motivated enough to give love a second try and often just try to get the stability of a relationship back. No relationship will work if you don’t give love and effort into it.
Too many expectations
High expectations of what our next spouse will be often put a strain on our second marriage. Nobody is perfect we all have our faults and shortcomings. Failure to meet our unrealistic standards about our partner leads to dissatisfaction and disappointment. Our Expectations must be grounded in our reality and must depend upon circumstances and not aspirations.
Quick To Find New Love
Face it, we get into our second marriage just to escape the burdens of the previous one. You probably have decided to get into your second marriage just after your first one. Rushing into a new marriage might be the worst thing you can do. There are so many things that can go wrong for you. Your partner may not be the right one, there could be unhealed emotional wounds still lingering in your consciousness. Rushing will only make things worse as the problems that destroyed your first marriage might do the same for your next one.
Disregarding Pre Marital Counseling
Okay, Premarital Counseling may not be for everyone but it may prove to be useful if you have come up from a rather bad divorce. Getting professional guidance may help you better understand your relationship. It might help you better understand each other and get you an idea of what kind of problems you might face.
Should We Then Forego The Idea Of A Second Marriage
Getting into a new marriage is entirely up to you, If you believe that your marriage will work then go for it. However, you must look at and consider the above circumstances to get a better understanding of how second marriages usually go. You should strongly consider getting pre-marital counselling and deeply consider that you are ready and your partner is right. As mentioned rushing will only make things worse and probably be the first nail in the coffin.